I had a thought this morning: What if I were to let go of all of my thoughts? What would happen? I saw myself standing inside the basket of a small hot air balloon that was tied to the ground by hundreds of strings. Each string was attached to a thought. There were thoughts of fear over money and the economy. Thoughts of aloneness and of being by myself. There were thoughts of how my past had been and how my future could be; thoughts and dreams of how much money I wanted to have, who I wanted to live with and where. There were thoughts of starting and ending previous relationships and of regret over things I did or did not do in the past. There were thoughts of accomplishments and triumphs, of failures and of feeling incomplete. There were loving and unloving thoughts towards other people and there were loving and unloving thoughts towards myself. There were thoughts of how my business should work and thoughts of how my life should work. And there were many, many more.
Each of the individual thoughts was attached to one of the strings and the strings themselves were tied to the bottom of the basket. As I looked up into the sky I thought about what would happen if I were to cut the strings. I'll probably shoot straight up into space and die from lack of oxygen or freeze to death somewhere in the outer atmosphere. Strong winds will take me and smash me against the side of a mountain where nobody could ever find me. I saw myself lying somewhere, all my limbs broken, unable to move and unable to call for help. I saw the balloon go way up only to collapse and crash to the ground moments later.
I realized that those thoughts were part of the very weight that held the balloon firmly on this earth. Ok. I might as well try it now rather than wait much longer. The sun was setting and I surely didn't want to do this during night time. So I took a pair of scissors and cut the strings - five or ten at a time, all the way around the basket. What was interesting was that when I got to the last string, the balloon still wasn't moving. As if one small thought was holding it back, keeping it anchored.
As I cut the last string, the balloon gently lifted off. I expected it to kind of shoot up very quickly. Instead, a soft breeze took it and lifted it up. I saw the world below me: The meadow from which I started, trees, some houses, part of a road. As I passed above the tree line, a magnificent vista opened up in front of me. Rolling hills as far as my eyes could see and in the distance what must have been the ocean. The air was so clear it felt like I could see for hundreds of miles in the distance. A lightness of being enveloped me. I felt more and more weightless. The sense of freedom was indescribable. A deep calm set in. This was completely unexpected. And yet, at the same time, it felt as if this was the most natural state I have ever been in.
I felt utterly at home. This was, this IS, my natural state of being. And nothing I ever thought might bring me happiness or fulfillment or escape had even the slightest resemblance with what I experienced at that moment. In fact, everything I ever thought about anything - every fantasy, every dream, every feeling and every thought - as lofty as it had seemed at the time - has probably prevented me from having this experience.
How long I stayed in my balloon, I do not remember. Was it an eternity or a single instant? I do not know. It matters not. This instant was enough. Enough to show me, to unmistakably reveal the purpose of the journey of my life. As to my thoughts: they are back and they will stay a while, I'm sure. Of this episode, one single question remains: "When I ask again who I am, who will I ask?"
"When this Power has once been experienced, it is impossible to trust one’s own petty strength again. Who would attempt to fly with the tiny wings of a sparrow when the mighty power of an eagle has been given him?" - A Course in Miracles
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