We Have Everything Else

Copyright 2009 by Stefan Bolz

I never wrote this, never brought it down on paper. It was never that clear to me. I had a vague sense of it at times. Quickly forgotten soon thereafter and then unremembered for days at a time. It stood so clear in my mind just five minutes ago and I'm afraid it is already fading fast. I know if I don't catch it now, it will disappear until next time.

There is no other goal or purpose of any relationship we have ever entered in, other then just one single thing: To tell each other, in whatever words, acts, or thoughts are available to us at that moment, that we are forgiven. That nothing you did or I did or that we both failed to do has had any effect at all. This is what we owe each other. Nothing less and nothing more. It is all we need. We have everything else. There is love and there is the call for it. Those are the two emotions of the world.

I lost it again. I remember the words but I have lost the experience. It slipped through my fingers. Actually, to be perfectly honest, I have blocked it out. I have let it go. Not sure when I'm able to take it back again but I know I'm the one doing it. When I have the experience, it is the clearest, most natural state I can imagine and I can't even fathom how it would be without it. And when I give it away, it is as if I never had it in the first place. But I know my heart isn't ready yet . Ready to take it in fully, to keep it as my natural inheritance, to make it my own. It is not yet the only experience I want. Otherwise it would have it. I would have it always.

And so I must wait, wait for myself and for when the time comes when I can no longer live without it.