Presence

copyright 2008 by Stefan Bolz

There is a presence within us that we, in our day-to-day experiences, are completely unaware of. It is as if it does not exist at all. A veil so thick and seemingly heavy lies between us and our awareness of this presence that we usually do not think of its existence at all. However, it is there. I am not talking about God. In a way I am, but not in the usual sense. I am not talking about religion. I am talking about an experience. Words are too limited to express it because naturally they are in general used to describe something on this side of the veil, something familiar. For example, if I would say that this presence makes me joyous, the word would evoke a feeling that is known. Joy in connection with a person, a thing, a circumstance, etc. However, the joy that comes with experiencing this presence is completely different from everything I have experienced before. Freedom is another such word. Love yet another. At some point I realized that the experience of 'being completely forgiven' comes the closest to describing it. And yet it falls short of its magnitude. Many mystics have, over the centuries, tried to express this presence - with no success whatsoever. Sometimes though, suddenly, while we drive our car or talk to someone or stand at the register at the grocery store, we get a sense - not more than a whisp of a fragment of an ancient melody and for a moment we are lifted beyond the veil and we remember... Then the veil drops again and we forget within seconds. But this moment is the closest we can come to eternity in this world. There is nothing like it in our experience here. We try - desperately sometimes - to have this experience through romantic relationships or within our family. It does not work. A lot of times, the relationships we have are part of the very veil that keeps us from the very thing we long for. So, basically, our whole life passes by us and we are so busy with everything trying to generate a feeling of happiness and peace and the absence of conflict. But in truth, the only thing we are doing is keeping the door closed to the other side of the veil. Sometimes we think death gets us there but death is still, like everything else, on this side of the veil. But how do we get there? How do we pass through the veil and experience this ever loving presence within us? In short: We have to want it. Nothing else makes it appear. We must want to go through the veil to see the other side. We must want this experience more than anything here. There is no other way. And in order to do that we first must recognize that nothing here has the ability to make us truly happy. We must begin to question what we thought brought us peace and joy in order to open our mind enough to let in the true peace and joy that awaits us beyond the veil.